Oh, Don

Donald Rumsfeld has released a whole bunch of everything, including delightfully bitchy emails, to coincide with the release of his book. Esquire has sifted through some of them, and gives us the following sampling:

The "My Time Is More Valuable Than Yours" Note

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October 26, 200l
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: Schedule

It isn't possible to have a 7:15 a.m. phone call, an NSC meeting and then two PC meetings in one day. That takes most of the day.

I need time with my staff. Let's try to figure out a different way to do our business…

The "Do You Think You're On Entourage?!" Note

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December 13, 200l
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: PC Meeting

We just had the Principals Committee meeting on Iran and Russia. At the last minute, we were told not to bring the “plus one.” I arrive, and I see you have Steve Hadley, Bob Joseph, Robin Cleveland, and Al Gonzales there-and I am like a one-armed paperhanger.

I am going to start bringing “plus one” to my meetings at the White House, unless there is just an enormously good reason not to. I sure cannot imagine what it would have been on that meeting, particularly since there were so many people in the room anyway…

The "You're Terrible At Your Job And You Can't Even Explain Why, Dumbass" Note

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May 20, 2002
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: Moscow Proposals

I just saw this article from the London Times saying, “President Bush will propose . . . that Russia and the United States join forces to develop the controversial Star Wars missile defense system . . .”

What is that about?

Second, I have asked repeatedly for a copy of these other documents that are supposedly going to be dealt with by President Putin and President Bush in Moscow. I still haven't seen a copy of anything other than the treaty. I need to see them. Please get them over to me.

Thank you.

The "She's Either Dumb, Deaf, or Secretly British, and Therefore, an Obtuse Asshole" Note

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August 22, 2002
TO: Paul Wolfowitz [Deputy Secretary of Defense]
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT:

Call Condi Rice. She said to me that we have got to get the detainee mess sorted out, that nobody is able to get answers. I think she is getting this from the UK. Call her and find out what she is talking about. She always comes in with these cryptic messages as thought [sic] the Pentagon is messed up, and I don't have any idea what she is talking about…

The "You're Such an Idiot You Can't Even Run a Schedule" Note

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October 4, 2002
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: North Korea

I thought you told the President in my meeting that there werent going to be any meals at the North Korean event. I notice they had one or two dinners.

Thanks.

The "How I Subvert Your Time-Sucking Meetings" Note

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October 30, 2003
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: NSC Meetings

We have an NSC meeting scheduled for Monday with no subject. I like to be prepared for meetings, but if we don't have the subject of the meeting a working day ahead of time, then there is no way for us to be prepared…

The "You're Not Early Enough For Us, Slackass" Note

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November 5, 2003
TO: Honorable Condoleezza Rice
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld
SUBJECT: Agendas and Schedules for PC and NSC Meetings

…If you want people from DoD to do something, please tell us that, not in the meeting, but the day before—and we will do our best…

The "And By Tactical Errors She Means 'My Bad Hair Days'" Note

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April 04, 2006
TO: Stephen J Hadley [National Security Advisor]
FROM: Donald Rumsfeld

I think we better get some talking points on what Condi thinks she meant when she said we have made "thousands of tactical errors."

I keep getting asked the question, and I don't know the answer. I don't know what she had in mind.

Thanks.